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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27319045">stay</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjhs/pseuds/jjhs'>jjhs</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, Love Triangles, M/M, Polyamory</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:34:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,410</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27319045</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjhs/pseuds/jjhs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>one night, jeno is telling jaemin how much he loves him. one day later, jaemin is gone without a trace. and now, two years later, jaemin comes back to town looking a lot different and confessing his love for jeno. too bad the older has a boyfriend.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Jeno/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Mark Lee/Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Mark Lee/Na Jaemin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>96</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>stay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i started this fic as a threadfic in may of 2019. it has been a long time coming. it's been a while since i've even worked on it, so be kind. </p><p>alternative title: making you stay (baby that's all i'm trying to do) from stay by mac ayres</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>“What do you say when the feelings don’t fit into words?”</p>
  <p>— Tammara Webber, <i>Between the Lines</i></p>
</div>there had been a funeral. well, not an official one. but jeno had one of his own because he was undoubtedly pessimistic. and because he couldn’t bear the thought that jaemin was still alive and staying away from him.<p>he’d said his goodbyes. he said his thank you’s to the boy he had known his entire life, to the boy he’d been in love with his entire life. he had closed that part of him forever. locked the door and threw the key in the ocean.</p><p>or, so he thought before there was a knock on his door one sunny saturday evening. he’d opened it with nothing but his cat pajama shorts on, holding cash because he thought it was the pizza guy.</p><p>he was very mistaken.</p><p>no. it was very much na jaemin. only, instead of the brown hair he’d had when he disappeared, there was black hair gelled up on the top of his head, he was in all black, down to the doc martin shoelaces on his feet.</p><p>jeno couldn’t say anything, just stood there looking like an idiot. he had always looked like an idiot around jaemin, though. something about being in love made him a fool. made everyone a fool.</p><p>jaemin grinned at him. his teeth were straighter. his face was clearer than jeno remembered. he was taller, held himself upright with dignity. he took jeno’s breath away for more reasons than one.</p><p>jeno swallowed hard, lump forming in his throat and swelling so much that he couldn’t breathe.</p><p>“jeno? what’s wrong?” mark’s voice came up behind him, footsteps heavy. </p><p>jeno felt jaemin’s eyes bore into him when mark entered the foyer. </p><p>“oh,” mark whispered hoarsely.</p><p>jaemin looked confused as mark wrapped an arm around jeno’s waist. he looked confused when mark kissed jeno’s cheek. jaemin said nothing, just stared at him.</p><p>jeno didn’t have the right words. he didn’t have the right anything to deal with the situation at hand.</p><p>two years had passed. he wasn’t the same dumb lee jeno from before jaemin’s disappearance. he knew that the stare he received from jaemin was out of jealousy. he knew the hand tightening on his waist from mark meant the same.</p><p>what he didn’t know was what the hell was happening. he didn’t know what to say, how to say it, or how to even comprehend the person in front of him.</p><p>two years. two fucking years had passed since jeno last same jaemin. since the last time jeno said “i love you” to him.</p><p>since the last time jeno had kissed jaemin on the lips and promised him forever. two years. 730 days since jaemin told him he’d never leave him. 729 days since jaemin did just that.</p><p>that isn’t something jeno can just forget or forgive. obviously not something mark can’t either when he pushes jeno out of the way and stands between them. </p><p>“na jaemin.”</p><p>“mark lee.”</p><p>the tension is so thick and suffocating, jeno would really rather die than stand there another minute.</p><p>he clears his throat and moves out from behind mark, though he was a little bit taller than his boyfriend so he did a poor job as acting as a wall. “you should come inside. it’s freezing out here.”</p><p>and, it actually is freezing. jeno shivers as he closes the door behind jaemin. the younger kicks off his doc martens haphazardly like he used to do. jeno’s heart flips and when he looks at mark’s face, he can’t help this guilty feeling. this horrible, gut wrenching feeling of pure guilt.</p><p>jaemin claims his spot on the love seat across from the pile of blankets and pillows mark and jeno had made previously while watching a movie. mark sits down and jeno follows suit, staring at jaemin in awe.</p><p>nobody says a word. mark can tell jeno is nervous, the leg bouncing giving it away easily. he rests a hand on jeno’s knee and it stops instantly. jaemin gets a bitter taste in his mouth.</p><p>when jaemin had known jeno, the older had never been close to mark lee. he wants to know how much changed in two years. how so much could’ve done so.</p><p>it’s weird. too weird. </p><p>mark frowns when jaemin’s eyes leave jeno’s lips and find his own. he wants jaemin to start talking. he wants jaemin to say something to keep jeno from throwing himself head first off a bridge.</p><p>it’s just un-fucking-bearable. it’s painful. jaemin had always been a sore spot for jeno, a place where if you picked a little too hard it would burst and bleed so much it’d take ten times more bandaids to cover up the second time. jaemin was jeno’s weakness, his Achilles heel.</p><p>if you wanted to hurt jeno, you’d go for jaemin. everyone knew that. maybe, except jaemin.</p><p>“i’m so sorry,” jaemin breathed out first. “jeno. i’m so sorry.”</p><p>jeno can’t bring himself to stop staring at the carpet long enough to see how sincere jaemin is. he can hear it, feel it in the air swirling around, attempting to find a place to settle. he just nods.</p><p>“i know it’s been a long time-” jeno snorts and jaemin stops talking completely.</p><p>“long time? it’s been two years, jaemin.” jeno’s voice is directed at the ground, but it hits jaemin hard enough to knock the breath out of him. “two fucking years.”</p><p>“i know.”</p><p>mark feels out of place in this conversation. it doesn’t seem right for him to sit here and hear such a personal, painful exchange between the two of them. ex-best friends...ex-lovers, even. jeno grabs his hand and squeezes it tight like he knows mark feels so. of course he does. </p><p>“what can i do?” jaemin asks-m—no, begs—jeno. his eyes are teary. </p><p>jeno shrugs. “i don’t know, jaemin.”</p><p>jeno wants to know what happened. and, he doesn’t all at the same time. whatever happened to jaemin should probably stay in the dark. it’d be best. right? how the younger could just waltz back in thinking that everything would be fine, jeno doesn’t know at all.</p><p>“when you’re ready, i can tell you,” jaemin says, sighing and running his fingers through his hair. “if you want to know.”</p><p>he stands up, assumably to leave, and jeno is jumping up right after him. “a-are you going?”</p><p>he hates that his voice trembles at the thought of jaemin leaving again. </p><p>“not if you don’t want me to.”</p><p>jeno swallows hard. he looks at mark, who only nods his head. bless his fucking heart.</p><p>“just stay.” </p><p>jaemin sits down.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>+</p>
</div>it should be more awkward than it is, but jeno knows exactly why it’s not. see, he’s in love with mark lee for many reasons. the fact that the older is able to make even the most unbearable situations bearable being one.<p>that should be enough to help explain exactly why jeno ends up with mark lee snuggled against one side of his body and na jaemin laying over his lap while twilight: breaking dawn part 1 plays. the movie is hands down one of the worst movies he’s ever seen and he has no idea why he’s rewatching it, but something about the horribleness takes away from the elephant in the room.</p><p>it’s nearing two a.m. and jeno is fucking tired. jaemin and mark are both asleep, both snoring softly while bella and edward bang in the background. the scene makes jeno giggle to himself.</p><p>he finishes the first movie. he doesn’t hate himself enough to watch the second one. maybe later, he thinks.</p><p>he wiggles out of the sandwich of boys just to stand back and look at them. his heart aches in a way he hadn’t experienced in almost eight months, since he had met mark lee. </p><p>na jaemin was his first love, but mark lee brought the light to the darkness na jaemin had left behind.</p><p>his heart is torn and broken and scared in so many ways. even if parts of it have healed, parts of it have been patched up and sewn back together, there’s a bigger part that is crumbling second by second. all because of one boy.</p><p>he doesn’t know if he should leave them or wake them up, but they look so beautiful and peaceful, he decides to leave them cuddled up together. he throws a blanket over them both.</p><p>jeno caresses mark’s cheek in a way that screams i love you, in the darkness under the moon and in the brightness of the sun. but, where his heart and mind are at war is when he does the same to jaemin. </p><p>he disappears into his and mark’s shared room of their apartment he lies down on the unmade bed because mark lee claims that because they just go to sleep at the end of the day, there’s no reason to make it anyway.</p><p>he smiles to himself before drifting off to sleep, mind focused on the two boys in the other room.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>+</p>
</div>“bro, you fucking drooled on me,” mark complains, wiping his arm clean of jaemin’s spit with the younger’s own shirt.<p>“dude, you put your arm next to my mouth.” jaemin rubs his eyes.</p><p>“you fucking cuddled me,” mark whines, fingers going straight to his hair. “where the hell is jeno?”</p><p>“you’re a fucking blanket hog! what did you expect me to do? i was freezing!”</p><p>“why are you guys arguing?” jeno asks, walking into the room in nothing but his stupid cat shorts still. he looks good, and both mark and jaemin hate that he has no idea what he does to them.</p><p>“your boyfriend sucks,” jaemin answers, smirking even when mark hits him on the arm.</p><p>“okay, drooler,” mark huffs.</p><p>jeno giggles when he sees how bitter the two are. “you guys are so dumb.” he leans against the doorframe of the living room and kitchen. “jaeminnnnn?”</p><p>“that has never been good,” jaemin sighs, playfully rolling his eyes.</p><p>“can you still cook? maybe a lot has changed, but my cooking skills have not.” jeno smiles at his own joke and mark snorts. jaemin flushes red.</p><p>“yeah. i guess i can cook.” he pushes himself off the couch and stretches, shirt riding up a bit. neither jeno nor mark are able to take their eyes off jaemin’s highly defined abs, who is completely oblivious to their stares.</p><p>mark wants to say so many things, like don’t look at my boyfriend like at that and stop looking so fucking good, jesus christ. he settles on, “good thing you can cook, jeno burns everything he makes.”</p><p>jaemin smiles, walking toward the kitchen and looking around the place. “sounds like him. i remember he once tried to boil water, left it boiling too long, and all the water was gone when he went back to check on it.”</p><p>mark laughs and pinches jeno’s cheek when he whines. </p><p>“that was only one time,” jeno throws his head back, covering his face. “i didn’t know if you left it boiling for so long it would evaporate!”</p><p>“you’re lucky you’re cute,” mark kisses jeno on the cheek and jaemin swallows hard.</p><p>“so...what should i make?” jaemin looks around their kitchen and notices how empty it is. “do you guys even eat food?”</p><p>jeno shrugs, leaning against the wall with a picture of a cat above his head. “well, we eat out a lot. if you think i’m bad at cooking, literally never try anything mark makes.”</p><p>jaemin giggles and jeno’s heart flutters. mark knows he should feel jealous, but he can’t help it when he doesn’t. there’s something about jaemin, something mark understands. it all connects in his head, why jeno looks at jaemin the way he does.</p><p>mark wraps his arm around jeno’s bare waist, fingers rubbing the soft skin of his hip bone. “you’re just jealous i can cook pasta, babe.” he kisses jeno’s temple.</p><p>watching them makes jaemin feel so...odd inside. not exactly good, but not bad either. like of all things that could be happening, it makes sense to watch them be so domestic. he tries to convince himself that it’s because jeno deserves a person like mark lee, warm and kind-hearted, all love and pure intentions. someone jaemin is not. tries being the keyword.</p><p>“we can get something,” jeno offers. “we should invite the old gang. they miss you,” jeno frowns, like remembering why they would miss him, “... yeah.”</p><p>mark notices jeno’s mood change and runs his fingers through jeno’s hair. “that’s a good idea, babe. i can call them now.”</p><p>jaemin is curious how mark became friends with renjun, chenle, and jisung, but he doesn’t doubt it’s because mark has a good sense of humor and a cute little grin on his face.</p><p>“i got it,” jeno says, pulling out of mark’s touch, frown not having moved an inch. “you should give jaemin some clothes. maybe a sweater. i have a bunch.”</p><p>he disappears and mark sighs. jaemin licks his lips. </p><p>“you can shower in our bathroom,” mark leads jaemin through the apartment, barely giving the younger time to look around. he grabs a towel from beside the sink of the bathroom. it’s a beautiful place, jaemin decides as mark rummages for a spare toothbrush. mark must come from money because jeno certainly doesn’t.</p><p>jaemin can’t help but ask, “when did you guys...uhm...how did you guys start dating?”</p><p>mark stops searching to look at jaemin. “are you going to pick up and leave again? i’m serious, na jaemin. you broke his heart two years ago and i’ve worked so fucking hard to repair it, cheesy as it sounds.”</p><p>jaemin doesn’t answer for a few seconds, letting the words sink in. “i’m sorry.”</p><p>“don’t apologize to me,” mark spins around on his heel, finally facing jaemin. “you didn’t abandon me.”</p><p>“i-i have explanations, reasons, you know? i didn’t just leave.”</p><p>mark licks his lips, shoving jaemin’s towel and toothbrush into his chest. “i’m sure you do.” they look at each other for a minute before mark sighs. “i’m not going to act like i don’t know that you guys had a thing...but jeno is a good person, jaemin. he’s sweet and he’s smart, caring, funny. all these things. and you need to understand that he’ll do a lot for you, even after all this time. but, don’t put him in a position to hurt people he cares about, okay?”</p><p>jaemin is at a loss for words. </p><p>“the shower is kind of weird, you have to turn the handle all the way left then right again. i’ve been meaning to get it fixed, never found the time.” mark slides past jaemin, touching his shoulder before shutting the door behind him.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>+</p>
</div>“jaemin used to eat dirt, like literal dirt,” jeno giggles, face falling into mark’s shoulder out of habit. the older kisses his forehead before finishing his pancake as the diner around them slowly dies in sound, turning into their own little world. their friends wanted to come, but it was so last minute that no one could show up. they all agree to come by and see him later in the day.<p>jaemin is envious, but jeno is oblivious like always. jeno isn’t the same person, jaemin sees this. but, some things about jeno haven’t changed much at all. </p><p>“that’s gross,” mark tells him, smiling at him with that smile of his. “i didn’t even do that.”</p><p>jaemin rolls his eyes playfully, before looking between the two. he hates that he likes this. he was supposed to hate mark. he wasn’t supposed to like his presence. but, here he is, enjoying the likes of mark lee.</p><p>“i want to ask a question,” jaemin blurts out suddenly, eyes trained on mark’s hair before he stares at his own food. “if you don’t mind me asking.”</p><p>jeno perks up, dropping his fork to give jaemin is attention. “what’s wrong, nana?” there’s a silence after the nickname has been uttered, the word settling between them almost uncomfortably. it’s a sign that old habits die hard, nicknames included.</p><p>“how...when...where…? just, you guys…like...dating…?” jaemin doesn’t usually stutter over his words. he’s confident, knows exactly what he wants to say.</p><p>jeno bites his lip. unlike jaemin, jeno is seemingly always at a loss for words. </p><p>mark steps in, saving the day like he always does. “it’s been a little less than a year. we had a class together. i guess we just clicked.” he shrugs his shoulders and jaemin nods his head. </p><p>“yeah.”</p><p>he shouldn’t have said anything, not yet, not now. but, he just couldn’t help himself. mark lee of all people. if anything, jaemin thought jeno would’ve turned to jisung. hell, maybe he did. jaemin doesn’t know. that’s his fault, he supposes.</p><p>“it’s okay,” jeno says in a poor attempt to smooth out the tension. “i wouldn’t have thought...yeah, i didn’t see it coming either, i guess.”</p><p>he leans into mark’s touch, letting his warmth ease the never ending pit of dread in his stomach. </p><p>the silence falls between them, creating a horrible tension. jeno doesn’t like it. he was never like this with jaemin before. they were jaemin and jeno, jeno and jaemin. everyone knew them together, only saw them together. they were the best friends that other people were jealous of. now, they don’t really know how to act around one another. </p><p>jaemin finishes his food, and mark says, “i have the bill.”</p><p>“no, it’s okay,” jaemin denies, “i can get it.”</p><p>mark smiles softly. “next time.”</p><p>
  <i>next time.</i>
</p><p>there are so many implications to those words, especially coming from mark lee’s mouth. nobody at the table wants to face what these words mean, what they might bring, so they let them disperse into the air without touching the topic.</p><p>jaemin relents and let’s mark grab the bill. he’s still curious about the status of mark’s wealth, and jeno doesn’t seem bothered letting mark pay. when he used to eat with jeno, the older would refuse to let him pay. it’s interesting to see the dynamics...interesting to see how they change to make room for someone else.</p><p>“you can drive, right?” mark asks jaemin suddenly, when they’re standing around his jeep. a jeep of all cars.</p><p>“yeah,” jaemin nods. “i’m a good driver.”</p><p>jeno snorts. “hm.”</p><p>“hey, you asshole, you don’t even have your license.”</p><p>jeno pouts and mark laughs, pinching jeno’s cheek before turning his attention back to jaemin. “do you wanna drive?”</p><p>jaemin narrows his eyes. “you are so setting me up right now. you barely know me and you’re going to let me drive your very nice jeep?”</p><p>mark shrugs. “i’m tired of driving. being with jeno means being a full-time chauffeur on top of a full-time uni student. ‘s like having a child.”</p><p>jaemin laughs as jeno protests in the background and mark doesn’t miss the way his eyes sparkle in the sun. interesting. </p><p>“yeah, i’ll drive.” he takes the keys from mark and climbs into the driver's seat, mark in the passenger seat and jeno in the back, moaning and groaning about it.</p><p>“when you get your license you can say shit,” mark says, shutting the younger up and causing him to pout all in one. “stop pouting, you’re making me want to kiss you.”</p><p>“maybe you should kiss me just because.”</p><p>“no, you’re being a brat.” mark denies him a kiss, but grabs a hold of his hand and presses his lips to the soft skin of his knuckles. </p><p>jaemin watches the entire exchange instead of keeping his eyes on the road. and, he smiles to himself when he sees the way jeno’s smile grows as they make eye contact in the rearview mirror.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>+</p>
</div>“so, you just live here now?” chenle asks, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed. the entire thing is...confusing. jaemin coming back. him living with jeno, his kind of ex, and mark, jeno’s boyfriend.<p>jaemin looks to jeno who looks to mark who just shrugs. “he doesn’t have anywhere else to go.”</p><p>“that’s…” chenle seems...distracted, so renjun finishes for him. </p><p>“cool.” renjun grins. “you guys are too sweet. if jaemin showed up on my doorstep, i would have slapped the shit out of him.”</p><p>“i was tempted,” jeno smiles softly. </p><p>jisung snorts. “you should’ve.”</p><p>they fall back into old patterns, the six of them sitting in mark and jeno’s living room. it feels like old times, like mark had been there years ago when they were all part of that friend group. it’s just natural and jaemin is grateful for it. it’s been two years, but his friends aren’t much different. only, jisung is much taller and renjun seems to have chilled out from whatever he was doing.</p><p>they spend the rest of the day together and the sense of normalcy makes jaemin feel so...tranquil. like, for the first time in so long he can just be himself. it’s been a long time coming, but he finally feels...home.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>+</p>
</div>jeno doesn’t get it, how three weeks from when jaemin appeared on his doorstep, he’s fallen into his life and made a home for himself. life seems relatively normal, though. there are times he catches himself looking at jaemin like he’s the entire universe and more. and, there are times he swears he catches mark looking at him with more than like.<p>thinking about it makes his head spin with confusion. he thinks maybe he should try and figure it out more, talk to mark about it more, but the topic never comes up between them. not with mark and his never ending load of classes and jeno and his internships.</p><p>mark doesn’t show any signs of discomfort with the situation, but that’s just mark. he is easy-going, level-headed, and truly the best person jeno thinks he’s ever met and ever will meet.</p><p>he’s in the middle of cutting up strawberries for the cake recipe he’s attempting for renjun’s birthday when jaemin walks into the apartment with the spare key they gave him.</p><p>“hey,” he greets with that smile of his. “whatcha doing?”</p><p>jeno smiles back, flour on his chin. jaemin walks over to the island, leaning on it and grinning. </p><p>“trying to make renjun’s birthday cake,” jeno sighs, gesturing to the random bowls and assortment of baking shit on the counter. “it’s not going as planned.”</p><p>jaemin chuckles and wipes the flour off the bridge of jeno’s nose with his thumb. “i can tell.”</p><p>jeno scowls. “you’re not helping.”</p><p>“do you want me to help?” jaemin raises an eyebrow and jeno purses his lips.</p><p>“can you bake?”</p><p>“probably better than you can.” jaemin sticks his tongue out at jeno who just rolls his eyes.</p><p>“have at it.” jeno drops the knife on the counter and sits down, waiting for jaemin to take his place. jaemin looks at him with disbelief for a moment before grinning and moving behind the island.</p><p>jaemin takes a look at the papers jeno printed with the recipe on them. “this is it? a strawberry vanilla cake with buttercream frosting? that’s it?”</p><p>“don’t say it like it’s nothing,” jeno groans, covering his face with his hands.</p><p>jaemin laughs at him, softly. “it is nothing.”</p><p>“says you, the chef and baker, of course. golden boy, na jaemin,” jeno scoffs, rolling his eyes. jaemin laughs at him again, endeared by jeno’s sweetness. </p><p>“let me show you what this golden boy can do.”</p><p>jaemin starts baking, eyebrows furrowed with concentration. he barely needs the recipe, having it memorized by heart. he goes about making the frosting. </p><p>and later, he decorates the cake too.</p><p>jeno just watches in awe, lost in jaemin. everything jaemin does. everything he says. everything he is.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>+</p>
</div>“jen, that cake is beautiful,” renjun exclaims as soon as he opens the door.<p>jeno smiles from behind the two tiered cake. “thank you!”</p><p>mark rolls his eyes. jaemin huffs. “he didn’t even make it,” the younger informs. “i did.”</p><p>renjun raises his eyebrows. “well whoever the hell made it, one: it’s pretty and two: it better be fucking delicious.”</p><p>renjun lets them inside and jeno takes the cake to the counter. there are a few people here, pretty lowkey considering it’s renjun’s big 20th. jeno notices the many alcohol bottles littering renjun’s counter. jeno wouldn’t have it any other way.</p><p>somewhere through the night, jeno is drunk off his ass and mark is really pretty dancing next to him. they made a dance floor out of the shabby living room in renjun and hyuck’s apartment. he doesn’t know where jaemin went off to, and frankly, as drunk as he is, he just doesn’t care.</p><p>the music is so loud, jeno already knows renjun’s going to get a noise complaint, and maybe even his landlord is going to come up here some time tonight. but, again, jeno is too fucking wasted.</p><p>mark pulls him close by the hips so jeno’s back is pressed to mark’s front. mark’s mouth is on his ear, biting on the earlobe. </p><p>jeno’s so lost in the song he barely hears mark talking to him.</p><p>“jen, where’s jaem,” his words are slurred. “you know, i don’t mind him as much as i thought i would.”</p><p>jeno smiles and turns in mark’s arms. “shhh,” he presses his lips against mark’s then pulls away, giggling. “just dance.”</p><p>so, they do.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>+</p>
</div>when mark wakes up, his head is pounding. he turns in the bed, looking at his bedside table to see the advil and water. he looks over and sees jeno is still dead asleep. he bites his lip.<p>he takes the advil and sighs. </p><p>he stand sup and stretches as quietly as he can. he tiptoes out of the room, leaving jeno to sleep.</p><p>when he goes into the kitchen, jaemin is standing there with two mugs of coffee.</p><p>“figured one of you would wake up eventually,” he smiles softly. jaemin does everything softly, mark has noticed. he smiles softly, laughs softly, speaks softly.</p><p>mark doesn’t know if it's the alcohol still in his system, but mark can’t help but wonder if jaemin kisses softly too.</p><p>“head hurts,” mark says, sitting down at the island. jaemin just smiles.</p><p>“not surprised, considering how much you drank.”</p><p>mark groans. “don’t even remind me.” </p><p>“you looked good,” jaemin says like it’s nothing, but it makes mark’s heart race. </p><p>mark ignores the fluttering. “jeno got even more drunk than i did.”</p><p>jaemin rolls his eyes. “oh, he’s such a lightweight.”</p><p>“he’s magical,” mark blurts out and jaemin raises his eyebrows. “i dunno why i just said that,” he blushes.</p><p>jaemin shrugs and laughs a little, eyes lighting up. “yeah, he is. so are you, though…”</p><p>mark licks his lips and takes the coffee mug next to jaemin’s.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>+</p>
</div>“two months, and you still haven’t told me,” jeno is yelling. jaemin swallows hard.<p>“jen…”</p><p>“i can’t just let it go,” jeno screams, face red. “not anymore! you broke me, jaemin. you broke my heart and you can’t just come back and pretend you never did. not anymore. i’m sick of looking at you and wondering when you’re going to leave next.”</p><p>jaemin just backs up. they’re standing in jaemin’s bedroom. it looks well-lived in, with clothes on the floor and the unmade bed. part of jeno is glad to see jaemin so at home, the other is terrified one day jaemin is going to pick up and leave.</p><p>“woah,” mark says as soon as he steps into the room. his eyes assess the both of them. “what’s going on?”</p><p>“i’m pissed!” jeno practically screeches, voice high and whiny. “because i just want to know what happened two years ago when he left me, mark. i just want to know why and prepare myself for the next time.”</p><p>mark is torn between comforting jeno and defending jaemin. he never would’ve seen this day coming.</p><p>“jen, i just...i have my reasons. please just trust that i’m here to stay,” jaemin is speaking quietly, eyes cast downward.</p><p>“i already did that,” jeno points out. </p><p>“baby,” mark starts, unsure where to go, “jaemin...he has his reasons. just…”</p><p>“tell me!” jeno screams. </p><p>jaemin takes a deep breath. “because, jen. i was afraid of loving you.”</p><p>jeno takes a moment to process before he starts to fall apart. his knees give out first, falling so hard they can all hear his kneecaps hit the ground. he closes his eyes.</p><p>jaemin continues to speak. “my mom she...she left when i was young, jen. and it was just me and my dad...and i just saw the way it broke him. and i was terrified. so, i just thought, if i left first...if i got out, it wouldn’t hurt as much. but it did,” jaemin falls to his knees so he’s eye to eye with jeno. “it hurt so much to leave you, jen. and i’ll never do it again.”</p><p>jeno throws himself into jaemin’s arms, sobbing like he had done time and time again after jaemin left. </p><p>mark watches, heart torn between the two.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>+</p>
</div>jeno is unsure about everything. everything is so up in the air. with jaemin in their home, becoming part of their home. everything is so different from where they began and jeno is lost.<p>“i just don’t know what to do anymore,” jeno tells jisung, sighing heavily.</p><p>jisung looks up from his uni work. “do you want me to tell you what i think or just say what you want to hear?”</p><p>jeno purses his lips. “good question.”</p><p>softly, jisung finally lets out, “it’s okay to love them both, nono.”</p><p>jeno just blinks.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>+</p>
</div>jaemin is so fucking drunk that he puts jeno to shame. mark is dragging them both out the door of the party, tired of dealing with it all. mark absolutely despises when he’s the DD.<p>“hey,” jeno says, giggling as jaemin flops around in the backseat of mark’s car. “jaemin’s fucked up.”</p><p>mark sighs. “so are you, babe.”</p><p>the ride home is quiet, minus jeno’s drunk babbling. mark is almost concerned jaemin passed out, but he figures it’s going to be easier than trying to drag them both inside.</p><p>by the time mark has them both inside, jaemin and jeno are demanding to have a sleepover. mark just groan internally, too fucking annoyed to even say no. he drags them both to his and jeno’s room, </p><p>jaemin flops in their bed and mark smiles to himself. jeno waltzes off to use the bathroom.</p><p>“jaemin, c’mon, scoot over,” mark nudges jaemin with his knee, but the younger doesn’t budge. mark just lays down on the other side of him, having already stripped of his skinny jeans into old shorts.</p><p>jaemin turns over to face mark. he’s staring at him so intently, mark wants to look away. yet, he can’t bring himself too.</p><p>there are no words exchanged as jaemin places his hand on mark’s cheek, rubbing the soft skin with so much tenderness there are no words to describe it.</p><p>mark gulps.</p><p>jaemin stares at his lips and mark just lets him. </p><p>he sees it coming, feels it coming and he doesn’t turn away. no, he lets jaemin press his soft lips to his. it only lasts a few seconds, goes as quickly as it came, but it still leaves its mark.</p><p>and, from the background, in the doorway of their bathroom, jeno sees them cuddled up next to each other. and, all jeno can do is smile.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>+</p>
</div>jeno looks down at mark’s head on his lap. he runs his fingers through mark’s curly hair, smiling.<p>“what?” mark asks, looking up at him and away from the movie they’re barely watching.</p><p>jeno thinks for a moment before speaking. “mark, do you love me?”</p><p>mark twists in jeno’s lap and immediately sits up. he looks concerned, wrinkles on his forehead showing. “of course i do, babe. you’re my world.”</p><p>jeno licks his lips. “...do you love him...too?”</p><p>mark takes a breath. “honestly?”</p><p>“100 percent.”</p><p>“i...i think i could, jeno. with a few more months...i will.”</p><p>that’s all jeno needed to hear.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>+</p>
</div>“i love this show,” jaemin mutters, taking a bite of the popcorn jeno made for him.<p>“i did burn the popcorn,” jeno grins and jaemin laughs.</p><p>“i mean, i would hope not. the directions are literally on the bag, jen.” </p><p>jeno shrugs and takes a seat next to jaemin. he sits so close their shoulders are touching. </p><p>they watch the show for a few more episodes before jeno taps jaemin on the shoulder. the younger turns to look at him.</p><p>“what’s up?” jaemin asks, but jeno can’t focus on his words, too distracted by his lips. they’re shiny from butter and spit.</p><p>jeno licks his own lips and he notices the way jaemin stares. he leans in, just a bit, but just enough.</p><p>jaemin meets him halfway. jeno leans left and jaemin leans right, and they’re kissing. jaemin tastes like popcorn, but jeno licks into his mouth anyway. jaemin holds jeno’s cheek, kissing him softly, letting jeno control the speed.</p><p>the younger pulls away and jeno chases after his lips. </p><p>“no,” jaemin shakes his head, breathless. “i-i can’t. i promised mark i wouldn’t put you in a place to hurt him...and i just did.”</p><p>jaemin stands up, pacing. </p><p>“n-no, nana. it’s okay. you’re okay…” jeno tries to reason, but jaemin isn’t having it. </p><p>“i have to go, jen.” jaemin grabs his jacket from the coat rack and his keys. he runs out hte door, slamming it behind him.</p><p>jeno just watches him. he just stares as he speeds away. he falls to the floor in sobs. he’s so sick of crying over na jaemin.</p><p>he’s sitting on the floor for what feels like hours (in reality, it’s only twenty minutes) when mark comes home. </p><p>the older sees jeno sitting aimlessly on the floor and rushes to him, paying no mind to his bag and coat. </p><p>“baby? baby? what happened?” mark takes jeno’s face in his hands, forcing him to look him in the eyes. </p><p>“he left, hyung. he left me again,” jeno whispers, eyes dried up and nose red. “he said he wouldn’t, but he did. if he loved me, he would stay.”</p><p>mark feels his heart shatter at jeno’s words. not just because jaemin left jeno, but because he left mark too. mark doesn’t feel like he wants to cry, he wants to punch jaemin in the throat. </p><p>“jeno,” mark says, eye contact intense, “listen to me. stay here. i’m going to go find him and i’m going to bring him home.”</p><p>
  <i>yeah, home.</i>
</p><p>mark leaves quickly after he takes jeno to their room and tucks him in. as scared as he is about leaving jeno alone, he is more concerned about finding jaemin and dragging him hoe.</p><p>he barely knows where to start to even find the youngest. he could go the restaurant they first went to. or the other restaurant. he racks his brain and finally he realizes where he has to go.</p><p>months ago, na jaemin told mark lee about a shitty, rundown bar that he likes to go to so he can think. </p><p>so, mark drives the whole two hours to the bar, not even sure jaemin is there.</p><p>he pulls into the parking lot and there sits jaemin’s harley. he sighs with relief. he does a shitty job parking, but it’s quick enough to get him in the door within two minutes of arriving. </p><p>he sprints inside and jaemin is there, chest laid out on the countertop of the bar. mark takes a deep breath and walks over to him.</p><p>“jaemin,” mark calls out. jaemin pushes himself up and mark can tell he’s fucking wasted. his cheeks are bright pink and his eyes are bloodshot--and not just from the alcohol. his face is wet with tears.</p><p>“mark,” jaemin cries out, falling into him. “i’m sorry. i’m so sorry.” he just keeps mumbling and rambling, crying into mark’s shirt and wetting it with tears. </p><p>“oh, jaemin,” mark whispers. “oh, <i>nana</i>.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>+</p>
</div>jaemin wakes up in a bed and he blinks a few times to make sure he’s seeing things right. his head is absolutely pounding and he can barely think long enough to comprehend where he is or what’s going on.<p>jeno walks into the room and crawls into the bed next to jaemin. “hi,” jeno murmurs.</p><p>jaemin furrows his eyebrows. “wh-”</p><p>“hey, asshole,” mark says as he walks into the room with water and pain killers. he hands them to jaemin and crawls into bed on the other side of him.<br/>
jaemin takes his pills and mark takes the glass of water from him and places it on the bedside table. </p><p>they all cuddle into the bed with no words exchanged. jaemin wants to ask what’s going on, what even happened, but he’s too tired to even form the words. soon enough, he’s slipping into sleep.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>+</p>
</div>when jaemin wakes up again, the TV is on and he’s still surrounded with bodies. he looks over and jeno smiles at him softly.<p>“hi, asshole,” jeno tells him and jaemin turns red. “sorry, i had to say it.”</p><p>“it’s fair enough,” jaemin shrugs. “i was...an asshole. i just...i promised mark…”</p><p>“i know,” jeno says. “but, here’s the thing, jaem. we both like you. and...i think you like us both.”</p><p>“but, how can i love both of you?” jaemin sounds exasperated and desperate.</p><p>“polyamory,” mark answers. “it’s where you’re in a relationship with more than one person. i think...i think that it could work for us. we’re all boyfriends with each other.”</p><p>jaemin takes a second to process. “oh...i guess my...my feelings make sense, then?”</p><p>jeno nods. “yeah, you butthole, you love us both. it happens.”</p><p>jaemin laughs and mark smacks jeno on the arm. “don’t bully him, jeno. he’s having an epiphany.”</p><p>“i’m sorry,” jeno puts his hands up in surrender. “in my defense, he did almost break my heart for the second time.”</p><p>“oh shut up,” jaemin gulps. “is there anyway i can make it up to you guys. you know, the whole, leaving again, thing.”</p><p>“give me a kiss right now,” jeno demands. “i don’t even care that you have morning breath.”</p><p>and, jaemin can’t deny him. he kisses him softly, full of passion. when he pulls back, mark grabs him by his stained t-shirt and kisses him too. </p><p>
  <i>oh. this feels good.</i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hope you enjoyed</p><p>with love</p><p>liv</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://twitter.com/flirtmark">twit</a></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://curiouscat.me/greenlights">curious cat</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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